In the midst of looking at what I didn't have, I failed to see all that I had and all that God had given me and is giving me.
I got some pretty good news last Wednesday, 12/14/2016. But the truth is that starting on Sunday, I'd told myself I needed to thank God for healing - I got a clean bill of health the previous week and I felt like a burden had been lifted off my head considering what I'd been through. Then somewhere around Monday and Tuesday, I realized the one thing I had prayed for the most and didn't have, the one thing I felt God was holding from me unfairly was not only something I didn't need considering the various ways He's provided, but it was something that would've been a disaster had He answered my prayers. On tuesday actually, the list became 2. I realized it wasn't just my top request but my top 2 requests were things I needed to thank God for not giving me. Again, disaster!
I had read my bible Wednesday AM and was about to pray when my phone rang. I usually won't answer the phone If I haven't prayed but considering who was calling, I wasn't sure if it was bad news at the end of the line. I answered and when the conversation was more of a "how are you doing?" "how is work?" kind of topic, I told the person I would call back in 5 minutes. I called back in 20. I hanged up and went on praying to thank God for what he's done and for what He didn't do because by not doing, He had actually done.
Upon returning the phone call, I was given another good news. To the person it was one good new, for me, it was at least 2 or 3. For me, it was prayer answered. In fact one of those 2 things was something I have prayed and prayed about. I had gone from place to place in the last 3 years and even more recently, I had someone use the term "spiritual covering". I had gotten tired and decided I was going to stick to my "boring" church. I was going to pray to God. I am not going anywhere, I really don't like someone putting their hands on me. I don't believe God will only answer prayers if you go to a particular church to pray or forest or whatever. I believe God is ever present, and he hears both the saint and the sinner. In fact, On my way to group one day I had a monologue with God (don't ask) and asked why He can't do it based on me praying, why do I have to go somewhere because it defeats the purpose and I was waiting on Him.
Well, He came through and He came though abundantly and when I went back to write in my journal and pray again, I realized another prayer had been answered all year. In fact it's the biggest change that has happened to me this year and somehow, I'd failed to see that it was a prayer answered.
So by fixing my gaze on what I didn't have, I failed to see ALL God had done and I also failed to see that what I didn't have, He had not given because It would have been a disaster. I actually prayed Wednesday thanking Him for not answering those particular prayers. Ironic huh?