Monday, September 12, 2016

The christian and drepression

I don't mean to discuss fully the subject of depression and the context in which I discuss this is totally outside my professional opinion. That said, I've no interest today. I woke up excited but as some days gone by, I rushed to living, hit a brick wall, tried to push myself and then I'm _____. I have no word to describe how I feel. I don't feel depressed or sorry for myself. I'm not my usual excited self. I just can't put my hand on what's exactly troubling me. I feel like something is troubling me that I can't pinpoint, like something that should worry me. Not sure.

That said, I thought about a sermon I read a week or so ago. I've heard someone say on the radio that Spurgeon suffered from depression. I've read some of his sermons and had not come into that aspect till I opened one  of the volumes I'd not read yet. It's his sermon "Fear Not". I felt it was as honest as  preacher can be. To admit his sermon is directed to himself while encouraging those who are "downhearted". To admit
"My soul is cast down within me. I feel as if I had rather die than live; all that God hat done by me seems to be forgotten, and my spirit flags and my courage breaks down with the thought of that which is to come. I need your prayers..." C. H Spurgeon.
Lowness of spirit and distress of mind. That's actually how I feel. I'm trying to dig down to find why I feel the way I do. I actually find I've no interest in doing anything right now. Although I did do some videos for my course and that got me excited. I'm wondering if it's because I made a mistake today I've made over and over again and somehow the outrageousness of my actions  has me numb as I somehow can't believe it.

I always think of the text that says "and David encouraged himself". The other thing I said to myself is in a time like this, the best thing I can do is pray. I've talked to a bunch of people this afternoon. About various matters. Nothing too personal...just conversation. But that's not it. It's not being lonely.  I've someone here with me. I still can't pinpoint it. Spending too much time to figure out this unsettling feeling breaks rule #6 and might lead me to break #1. So I'll just pray and trust that Isaiah 41:14 surely applies to this lowly worm.

What does it all have to do with Spurgeon? Not much. I just referenced his sermon to demonstrate that Even the Prince of Preachers had lowliness of spirit. And it happens. The goal is not to hide it but to remember that it's OK to be honest. To admit what's going on. Share with someone And to encourage yourself through God's word. You're not alone.

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