Divorce and the Christian

 I am watching Asia Insight and the topic is on Divorce in the Phillipines. What I heard is that they are the only country, apart from the Vatican, to not allow divorce. There is a woman whose husband kept cheating and they have been separated for 11 years now. The husband already has someone he's with and that person has given birth to a child for him. He, too, would like a divorce. Yet, this isn't allowed. They are interviewing a priest and they show a quote from Matthew 19:6

So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Matthew 19:6

I'm thinking to myself that divorce was allowed under the Law and if we would like focus solely on what Jesus said, I find it hypocritical that the verses after this quote are ignored:

"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

Matthew 19:7-9

In this passage from Matthew 19, we can tell that divorce is allowed here and the reason given is infidelity. Keep in mind Christ said he didn't come to abolish the Law and we are not under the Law. I mention the Law because before this encounter where Christ clarifies how it was intended from the beginning, what was known regarding divorce is the provision in the Law. Why is Matthew 19:6 focused on solely as the reason against divorce when Jesus says more right after? I have heard people on a sub in past throw out the phrase "God hates divorce". Please provide a verse that states that. Exactly. 

Because Solomon in his 6 things the Lord hates didn't mention that and the ten commandments talk against adultery.  Jesus mentions marital unfaithfulness as an exception. Yet manmade rule prevents it even under this circumstance.

Is there a reason why people are allowing the papacy to tie millstones around their neck in this day and age? People talk about the sanctity of marriage but how is the marriage sanctified when there is constant infidelity because a man thinks his wife can't leave him? It's interesting how these decisions are made by man and interestingly so because look at the survival of most men once their wives leave them. If you are not afraid of your wife leaving you because your ass stinks, allow divorce. I say those who are opposed to it fear for themselves because they know that without that protection, their own livelihood would be endangered. It allows some to abuse women because there are no repercussions and the women are forced to be tied to them. 

The intersting part about the show was that I saw a woman who has lived with a man for 11 years and has a child but hasn't married because she said once she does, that's it. One woman was told that the only grounds for divorce is when the partner dies. Huh? One woman shared she was told by a doctor in their church to inject an air-filled syringe in a area of the neck which looks like the Carotids. I'm actually surprised people aren't killing their spouses as a result but then murder is a sin. They talk about avoiding broken homes. Two people can live together and still have a "broken home". A couple who go around advocating agaisnt divorce in the country were interviewed and I had to say "nonsense" when the woman started spewing out stuff. Good mercy. How are people being yoked under slavery by such things, 

This is my take: if you think you are going to hell when this life ends, why endure hell on earth? And if you think you are going to heaven, why endure hell on earth? 

I say read the bible for yourselves and get to know what the Bible says. No, I'm not telling everyone to get a divorce. I'm pointing out what the bible say. Those who base their stance on Matthew 19:6 while ignoring what comes after are like those who selfishly tout "love your neighbor" while eliminating that part that says "as yourself". You are not meant to hate yourself and love someone; that is hypocritical. Interestingly, predators are the ones who tout it in that fashion. 

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1

Boundaries in the bible

 And He made from one [common origin, one source, one blood] all nations of men to settle on the face of the earth, having definitely determined [their] allotted periods of time and the fixed boundaries of their habitation (their settlements, lands, and abodes). —Acts 17:26

I came across this text while reading a book and I thought it's nice the author found a verse that mentions boundaries and then I went "actually" as I recalled that there is a law or command about not moving an ancient boundary stone or line or something definitely about boundaries in the law and Proverbs touches on it too. Since I'm copying a note my kindle as I read, I've decided to look up the actual verses I was vaguely recalling.

Do not move your neighbor's boundary stone set up by your predecessors in the inheritance you receive in the land the LORD your God is giving you to possess.
Deuteronomy 19:14 

And since I mentioned that Proverbs touches on it, here is a verse:

Do not move an ancient boundary stone set up by your forefathers.

Proverbs 22:28

What I've learned is that boundaries in the bible demarcates a person's parcel of land from another. They show where one person's field or territory stops and where another person's start. And in present day, some of us have fences around around our properties. And for those without fences, there is still an implied line where they know their property ends. Notice how they only mow up to a certain point and the neighbor also mows to that point of the land. Both neighbors know that property line even though there isn't a fence. 

So boundaries are important. There are laws prohibiting people from disturbing the boundaries of others. And if those pertain to properties, how much more should the boundary of the body respected? I think it goes without saying. 

Yet there are pathological people who violate the boundaries of others. They completely disregard where they end and another person starts. They think they have the right to all things and all people. If they want to come into your home, they should be allowed into your home without question. They should be allowed into your life regardless of your wishes or desires. And when you try to enforce the boundaries by not allowing them to cross or enter into it, they disregard your wishes and still persist in various ways to get in. They don't seem to understand the word "No".  And regardless of how you say no - nicely, rudely, politely, bluntly - they still refuse to acknowledge your No. 

They refuse to recognize that you are an autonomous person with wishes and desires and your desires does not include them. Forget your desires; they want you and they must do everything they can to be in your life. Predatory Violators! They usually have no shame, too🙄. Their actions should tell you to avoid them. If they cannot respect your boundaries, whether physical, emotional or psychological ones, they don't respect you. Why tolerate a thing that disrespects you? They've shown you that they don't regard you as a person, as a being as they are. Avoid, block and don't feel guilty for not allowing sick predators to prey on you. You are not a substrate to be fed on.

These people try various means to encroach on your space and aspects of your life. 

Do not move an ancient boundary stone or encroach on the fields of the fatherless,

Proverbs 23:10

Are they encroaching into your life in any way? They are Boundary Violators. I decided to look up encroach and here's what google spat out from Oxford Dictonaries:

• intrude on (a person's territory or a thing considered to be a right).
• advance gradually beyond usual or acceptable limits. 

That is the dictionary definitions for "Encroach".

Notice some of the words present: territory, limit, beyond, intrude. 

These people cross limits, disregard territorial lines and pretty much ignore other people. There's a Narcissistic theme underlying this. And a significant number of these Boundary Violators are narcissist of some sort. But no all are. The child who has not been taught boundaries shouldn't be held to the same standard as a grown 40-something year old who knows very well that he exists on this earth with other human beings who have a right to existence in this universe just as he does. 

What's another reason to avoid them?

"Cursed is the man who moves his neighbor's boundary stone." Then all the people shall say, "Amen!"

Deuteronomy 27:15

Job 24 describes a list of things to numerous for me to write here. But one of them are people who move boundaries:

Men move boundary stones; they pasture flocks they have stolen.

Job 24:2

And in the same chapter of Job 24, we learn that judgement will come for such people. 

But God drags away the mighty by his power; though they become established, they have no assurance of life.

He may let them rest in a feeling of security, but his eyes are on their ways.

For a little while they are exalted, and then they are gone; they are brought low and gathered up like all others; they are cut off like heads of grain.

"If this is not so, who can prove me false and reduce my words to nothing?"

Job 24:22-25

Their time will come. And it doesn't matter what boundary they violate. Boundaries exist for fields as well as house. And there are some who violate the physical boundaries of other peoples via way of their bodies. And I'm not just talking of those who sexually violate others, those who beat up others shouldn't think themselves more righteous either. 

Some of these personal boundary violators have violated certain people at some points in their lives and it's simply a matter of time for them to reap what they have sown.  Because they will surely reap what they have sown. One of my favorite verses from Proverbs 11 are:

Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished, but those who are righteous will go free.

Proverbs 11:21

If the righteous receive their due on earth, how much more the ungodly and the sinner!

Proverbs 11:31

I encountered a person years ago and from his actions - trying to intrude and violate my boundaries in various ways, I thought to myself that he had done something I would not name here in the past and surely, it came out of his mouth later that he had. This person had no self-awareness and what scared me most what their lack of discretion. (Now there are many more things about them that scared me). But this was a person in the Church. If you went to his home, you would find an open Bible on a table. Hypocrites! They present a certain pious image but they are wolves in every sense of the word but having the physical appearance of a wolf. They would share things with me that scared me because I was thinking that any conscionable person wouldn't do such a thing and if they did, they would be ashamed to share it without shame. But I've realized that without self-awareness, one doesn't see his or her faults. Which is why it helps to look ourselves and examine ourselves. Sometimes, for me, it happens when I point out something in another and then when I look at myself for  ways I may do similar things, it helps me see it. This way, I can take steps to change and do better as a person. We not perfect. We are humans after all. 

The issue is that we have a finite amount of time on this earth. And the environment we choose to live in matters. The people we choose to surround ourselves with matters. And the people we choose to get "hitched" to in this life also matters. Now, if you know a person has doom heading their way, why join with them? 

A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.

Proverbs 22:3

Some of us see very well the people we are dealing with and refuse to perceive what we see. Nathaniel Branden used the phrase "to see what I see and hear what I hear". I think it's also the title to a workbook of his. There is such a thing as seeing and not seeing or hearing and not hearing. Branden isn't the first to describe it. In fact the bible does in both the Old and New Testaments (Isaiah 6:9-10, Matthew 13:13, Mark 4:12 and Luke 8:10). 

So regarding that acquaintance from years ago, I was uncomfortable with their persistent violation of my boundaries. This is the kind of person who somehow found my email without my telling them. They wanted to know where I lived. They wanted to come to my house and despite not wanting them into my house or even on my street, they kept trying to find out and kept asking. What was scary was when they told me they found an address of mine somewhere. Some people have no qualms about their dangerous behaviors. There is nothing in their conscience that pricks them to let them know that this is not right or this is not good. They don't even realize they are violating other people's boundaries because they don't acknowledge boundaries to begin with. To them, you and everything of yours should be accessible to them and they don't understand why it should not be so. They refuse to accept it so. You too refuse to accept it so. Let me state this plainly: Stalkers are boundary violators. I don't care what labels they wear "christian" "law enforcement officer", "doctor" or whatever else they identify as. Avoid such people. They are not worth the stress. If boundary violation was a good thing, the bible would've encouraged it instead of giving us multiple verses against that. And this person I'm describing had the nerve to show up at a  place and tell me they were in love with me. If I do not want you to know where I live or work because I sensed your predatory qualities, and I have plainly told you that I have no interest in dating you, why do you think declaring your feelings for me will change how I feel. Of course they don't understand because their narcissistic nature prevents them from seeing anyone but themselves. 

I decided to do what was good for me and get out of their site. No, I've not shared things that would make your toes curl in here. I decided to not even respond to their messages anymore because telling them politely, nicely or bluntly hadn't worked. And despite this, they kept finding ways to show up at places including where they think I would be - my church included! 

If you think another person needs to be accessible to you because you want them, please go see a shrink or learn to understand the fact that we are all autonomous humans beings with the power of choice and the will to choose. After all, God gave us free will. If call yourself a christian and yet prevent others from exercising their will to choose, are you not acting violently by trying to take things forcefully? Are you not violating the boundaries of others by intruding and encroaching unto their being?

I'm going to go back to my reading because I read the verse at the beginning of the chapter and didn't bother to read further. I'll say this: when a person displays pathological traits, please see what you see, hear what you hear and act in accordance with the knowledge. What was it the action to take? Please see Proverbs 22:3 above. Avoid them!

MENTAL GYMNASTICS

I was thinking about times when I’ve spent (or should I say wasted?) time doing what I’m call "mental gymnastics". I ponder, think, plan, think again, contemplate and ruminate about how to do something or get through or out of a situation. And I come up with this plan, or that plan, or maybe I should do this or do that now and this later. I spend weeks doing this and stressing about who I’m going to get through or out of the situation, whichever one applies. And then when the time gets there, I realize I had no part to play in getting through or out of that situation. The only part I had in it was simply existing. Because God did it all without a single intervention from me. I didn’t have to put any of my plans into place. I didn’t have to do anything. It simply happened with no input from me whatsoever. And that’s when I’ve said in the past sometimes: “why was I stressing?”

Because they are usually situations I spent days and weeks and sometimes months or over a year worried about it. I spent time thinking “what would I do when this time comes?” Sometimes, it’s been a matter of getting out of an unpleasant situation. And in two good instances I recall very well, instances where I thought of what to say to the person to get out of their lives without them trying to hold onto me or guilt me from leaving, They have removed themselves. I’m not kidding. They removed themselves and the good thing is that because I had been thinking for weeks or months about how to get them out of my life, I am usually so grateful that I keep it that way. Now the irony is that when they’ve been gone for months and realized that I wasn’t coming after them, they try to come back. They may stalk in some way or form. They may try to reach out via phone, text, or whatever means. Little did they realize that not only where they not important in my life, I was trying to get rid of them and they simply helped me. In one situation, I changed my phone numbers months later. If you were in my life when I got the new number, you would know. You were gone. Good riddance!

But the instances in my life haven’t been only a matter of toxic personalities I needed out of my life; it has also been a matter of situations where I wondered how I was going to deal with it when I got there.” I think I’ll borrow this and do that, and ask so and so for this”. “I think I’ll do this and that and hopefully that works”. “I think I will tell so and so to tell them this and make a request on my behalf”. And the list goes on and on. We spend time ruminating about how to handle a situation. And sometimes, it is a situations that is coming at us or it’s something we feel led to do but are not sure how we are going to handle certain obstacles along the route. O Christian! Do you not have the LORD as your God? Is the God of Providence unable to provide for you? Is there a reason why we think he can’t provide for us? 

I don’t think we think that God is unable to provide or won’t provide. I think, for me, I forget. I forget that I am not alone. I forget that God is with me and is guiding me and helping me. I forget the times and when he has helped me in the past. Or I see this situation as different and too big. But then again, I am very well aware that there is nothing God cannot do. Even the sea that has swallowed ships and people, he has command over. So I think that a lot of times, it’s forgetful and not factoring God in the situation. And God isn’t a mathematical constant to factor into a situation. Nevertheless, He is a constant presence in our lives and we need to acknowledge him. 

So, I have been wondering about how to deal with a situation over the last few days. I have thought of ways and tried to come up with plans as I fact in variables and analyze the probabilities. I’ve thought of different things and still don’t have an exact plan as to what I’m going to do or how I’m going to handle the situation. While looking at something online earlier, I saw something regarding this situation and it brought something else to mind. That I had not considered a very likely scenario that requires no intervention on my part. And that was when I remembered that God is able to work things out so that it simply works in our favor just as we had wanted, without any intervention from us. And so I started to feel that it can happen in this situation and it looks really like it. So that I realize it’s worth focusing on now and living, rather than trying to figure out what to do months from now. Because God is extremely capable of handling it. This is the case of wanting the milk I need in May at the beginning of January. Dear Child, it’s not even April. “Give us this day our daily bread”. Let us stop the mental gymnastics and focus on today. When we get to that day, we can trust the God of Providence to give us all that we need that day. 

Here's night update: I found out that the situation I was stressing over isn't one to stress over. I got some information this evening and realized that it's all going to work out even better than I had hoped. And here I was stressing earlier and thinking over the last few days about how to make things work out. And so Psalm 46:10 dawned on me while taking a rest tonight:

"Cease striving and know that I am God" 

 -Psalm 46:10